I really like Vincent, always straight to the point. He just wasn't very accommodating of my lack of access to technology. Pity.

Vincent Cheng

Good day,

I am Mr.Vincent Cheng Hoi Chuen, GBS, JP Chairman of the Hong Kong and Shanghai Banking Corporation Limited. I have a business proposal of USD $22,500,000.00. Your earliest response to this letter will be appreciated.

Best Regards,
Mr.Vincent Cheng Hoi.

Simon Sosa

Hey man, I got your message about the business proposal. What do I need to do? I could really use some cash since I only have half of what I need for a down payment for my new house, so I'd really like to get this worked out quickly. There's nothing illegal is there?

Simon Sosa

Vincent Cheng

Hello Partner,

Thank you for your response to my email and your willingness to partner me in this endeavor, considering the money involved, and due to the nature of this transaction, it is necessary for you to be sure of whom you are transacting with, you can visit our webpage and check on my biography from this link as well (http://investinginnature.com/1/2/newsroom/news/2008/vincent-cheng) you can also call our official line +852-282-21111 , but do not talk about this transaction or I may deny knowing you, when you call? ask of Mr. Vincent Cheng chairman HSBC and if I’m on sit, then your call shall be transfer to me, what I will want you to do is to abolish the call before I talk because my official line are not secured means to reach me bearing in mind, the nature of this transaction, because they are periodically monitored to assess our level of customer care in line with our Total Quality Management.

I want to be sure that you are ready, to execute this transaction with me, What I expect from you is trust and commitment, I want this large sum of money transferred with your assistance and you should have nothing to worry about regarding legality AT ALL, because what affects you? Shall also affects me too, considering the paper work we are about to sign together but, I will appreciate you to follow my directives amicably as everything shall be done in accordance passing through all international banking laws, and as a banker I know that if we follow up this transaction diligently it would be completed within 9 working days. Moreso, please check the following link as well for more details of the death of Brigadier Amer Ali Nayef, http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/4160479.stm

I have attached to this mail, an agreement letter which you are to fill and sign, then scan and send it as an attachment via E-mail to me, before the Attorney can go ahead with the preparation of the required documents that shall place you as the sole beneficiary to the funds.

Please reply soonest with the signed agreements letter.

Kind Regards
Mr. Vincent Cheng.

Simon Sosa

Hello Vincent,

Thank you for your prompt response. Unfortunately, I do not have a printer or scanner at my disposal. Is there any other way that we can complete the transaction?

You're ugly,
Josh

Vincent Cheng

Thanks for your response, Please i want you to look for any means on how to scan the document, if possible you can take it to any business center closer to you, I want you to try as much as possible to send the document to me by today or tommorrow, because i want the transfer done latest on monday Morning Hong Kong time

Please i want you to get back to me with the agreement letter which you are to fill and sign, then scan and send it as an attachment via E-mail to me, before the Attorney can go ahead with the preparation of the required documents that shall place you as the sole beneficiary to the funds.

Please reply soonest with the signed agreements letter.

Kind Regards
Mr. Vincent Cheng.

Simon Sosa

Is it okay if I just give you all of the important information? I have a pretty easy signature to copy, so you can just make that up too. That way I don't need to find a scanner. Please let me know if this works for you.

You smell,
Simon Sosa

Vincent Cheng

Dear Partner,

I have read your email and I can not fill plus sign the form for you because it is not appropriate to do so. However, print out the agreement letter and fill out the spaces correctly,  scan and attach it to me via email attachment.

It is very necessary you pass through the process yourself and moreover, it is safer to have your right signature on the agreement letter.

I await your kind response soonest.

Yours truly,
Vincent Cheng Hoi

Simon Sosa

I told you, I don't have a scanner. Really, my signature's easy to do, just scribble some lines. I'm sure that you can do it. Or are you not serious about this business arrangement?

Simon

Vincent Cheng

Thanks for your response, Please i want you to look for any means on how to scan the document, if possible you can take it to any business center closer to you, I want you to try as much as possible to send the document to me by today or tommorrow, because i want the transfer done latest on monday Morning Hong Kong time

Please i want you to get back to me with the agreement letter which you are to fill and sign, then scan and send it as an attachment via E-mail to me, before the Attorney can go ahead with the preparation of the required documents that shall place you as the sole beneficiary to the funds.

Please reply soonest with the signed agreements letter.

Kind Regards
Mr. Vincent Cheng.

Simon Sosa

Look, I'm in this really rural area. There aren't any business centers around me. I'm stuck in this podunk town and I want to get out! Why is that so difficult to understand? Just sign the documents yourself, I'll give you whatever information you need.

Simon

Simon Sosa

Have you made up your mind yet about what we're going to do?

Vincent Cheng

Dear Sosa

Thanks for your update, but am not sure if you are really handling this project with all maturerity and thats is not the good for the kind of partner i really need in this transaction.

how can you say you were not able to sign the document because of some unwanted excuse.

please if you really want to execute this transaction with me kindly forward back the signed document for further proceeding.

Please reply soonest with the signed agreements letter.

Kind Regards
Mr. Vincent Cheng.

Simon Sosa

Hey man, are we still on for this project or what? It's been a while and I haven't heard from you.

Vincent Cheng

Dear Simon

 Thanks for your recent update, but see no way forward since you can get the document signed.

please if you really want to execute this project with me kindly get back to me with the signed agreement letter  so that we can proceed further in this transaction in one peace.

Kind Regards
Mr. Vincent Cheng.

This one was a bit short, but still a fun read. Ivan just couldn't take a joke...

Ivan Moore

Dear Friend,

I am  representing a group of investors , who are interested in overseas
investment in your country, involving large volume of funds, for which we
seek your assistance as overseas representative.

The civil service regulations here, prohibit us from getting involved in
private business, while under government employment, hence this proposal
to you, in view of your impressive profile.

I will be attaching a copy of my international travelers' passport to give
you proper knowledge of my person, as it's appropriate for a transaction
of this nature upon your response.

If you feel disposed towards the solicited role, please indicate by prompt
response, so that I may provide you further details of the transaction,
and also let you know what will be coming to you as remuneration for your
solicited role. After that we shall then come to an understanding
concerning the prospective areas of investment in your domain, that will
be conducive for investors of foreign descent.

I look forward to your prompt response.
Yours Truly,
Ivan Moore.

Simon Sosa

Ivan my man, how's it going? I hear you got some major mula and need
somebody to help out with it. I'm all yours, just tell me what to do!
Simon Sosa

Ivan Moore

Dear Simon Sosa,


I hereby write to acknowledge with thanks, the receipt of your
response to my proposal to you. My present political status being in
house arrest in Egypt, where there was a riotous mass protest from the
people, has made me sought your unflinching and unconditional
assistance. I really do appreciate your interest in my proposal and
hope that we can work together to achieve optimum results. It may
surprise you why I have contacted you whom I have never known before
but I believe it is destiny. The simple truth remains that in the
house arrest where I am now, I am only allowed the use of a
computer,nobody is allowed to see me and I have nobody's contact with
me. I am allowed the use of a computer to keep me informed of the
outside world and news matters. Besides, I cannot trust any close
friend or family now, even if I get the contact of any because, close
friends and family would betray one, out of mere jealousy from my
enviable achievement from the government of Hosni Mubarak of Egypt
where I have worked in the capacity of a special assistant to the
president, until his recent forceful removal from office. This is the
simple reason why I have decided to source for a foreign partner who
would help me take charge of these funds. The fund in question is a
total of 18 million US$ which I helped President Mubarak of Egypt to
move to Europe, before the recent uproar that has forced him to
resign. It is my opportunity to keep this funds because the president
is worth over 50 billion in America dollars having stayed over 32yrs
in office as a president. The funds are presently in the custody of a
security company in Europe, where I deposited the funds before the
mass protest started. I am presently in house arrest in Egypt as a
cohort of the unpopular government of Hosni Mubarak. For your
endeavor, your share will be 30% of the 18million US$, interpreted in
the sum of 5.4million.

For security reasons, these funds were neither deposited in my names
nor the names of my boss, they were deposited with a fictitious name,
and this will make it easier for you to have the funds released and
kept in a safer abode for you and I, pending when I gain absolute
freedom again. You can be most assured that this deal is 100% risk
free and success guaranteed.

Sir, if you decide to be my partner, we shall enter into a legal
agreement which will stand to protect both parties from any breach of
contractual agreement, then I will release to you, every single
document regarding the funds deposit so that you can proceed to Europe
to release the funds. It is important to state here that the deposit
was done through a diplomatic means which gives the deposit a
diplomatic protection, this is to say that the security company is not
aware of the real content of the consignment in their lodge.

Sir, for the sake of mutual respect for our feelings, please keep this
to yourself alone, whether we decide to go along or not. Considering
my present political situation, being in house arrest and under strong
security surveillance, it is only natural that you will be totally in
charge of this transaction.

I will await your response, for further directives. Please bear in
mind that there is absolutely no legal problems in partaking in this
endeavor.

Thanks and God bless,
Ivan Moore.

Simon Sosa

Whoa man, way too long. Gotta break that email down foo. Just tell me what's
important and SHOW ME THE MONEY!!!

Oh, and I demand 40% or no deal.

Simon

Ivan Moore

Dear Simon Sosa,

Good day to you !

I received your latest mail to me with thanks! I want to thank you for
the confidence you have reposed on me, you can be most assured that
this will be reciprocated in the same measure. It is important to
inform you at this juncture, that your share of this fund will be 30%
of the 18million USD$ which is interpreted to the sum of 5.4million.
Ideally, the next step ought to be the endorsement of a partnership
agreement between me and you, in the presence of witnesses, that I am
entrusting vital documents and information that will enable the
release of 18million USD$ to you, from a security vault in Europe but
considering the circumstances surrounding this particular deal, this
stage has to be bypassed as this transaction is practically based on
trust, fair play and honesty, since we cannot afford to bring this
deal to the know of a third party, this deal must remain as top secret
between you and I. However, I shall require your full details as in,
your full names and residential/work addresses, your telephone number
where you can be reached always, preferably a landlines and a copy of
your Identification papers (Driver's license, international passport
or work ID), this will further strengthen my confidence in you and I
will not hesitate any further, to give you the vital information you
need to commence dealings with the security firm in Europe, and the
Password that will allow you access the diplomatic lodge. Once again,
I want to reintegrate that this deal is 100% risk free and success
guaranteed.

Sir, the stage is set and as soon as I receive these item from you, I
shall let go all the vital information and by next week, this
consignment would have been successfully released to you.

I will await your immediate action to enable me act promptly.
Attached with this mail is my ID.
Sincerely yours,
Ivan Moore.

Simon Sosa

Ivan boy, good to hear back from you so soon. Are you really as dull as you sound? You need to lighten up a bit!

As for our deal, as I said, I require 40% of the cut, 30% is not enough for me. I'll only give you my personal information after you agree to the 40% cut.

Also, I will need your Facebook profile password and email so that I can verify that you are who you say you are.

Hear from you soon you big baboon!
Simon Sosa

Ivan Moore

Dear Simon,
 
You are a big fool to have called me a baboon. what do you take me
for?. If you know you cannot not be of help to you why not let me no
than calling your family a baboon. beside you don't deem fit to be my
partner in this venture.
 
Bye.